I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
