$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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