i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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