Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
