I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
