I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
