I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
