i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
