I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
