are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
