bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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