Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
