his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
