i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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