That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
