Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it hurts more in the daytime
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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