My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
