As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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