I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
