Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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