Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
