so that wasnt chicken after all
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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