He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
