He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
