the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
