did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
