my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
