I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bring money and cleavage
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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