So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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