he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The power of my boobs compel you
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
