I think I won the penis lottery.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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