I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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