He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I supernannyed him into submission
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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