The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
