The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
