omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
