People with herpes should wear stickers.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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