The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
