He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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