Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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