I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
