dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize