Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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