i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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