We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
