My hand turned me down
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize