and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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