he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
