the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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