can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the liver wants what the liver wants
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
