If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
