the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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