hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
