Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
