recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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