just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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