I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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