my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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