I can't watch pbs sober anymore
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
