Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
