How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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