We're facebook friends in real life
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
