Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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