addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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