i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
as a side note pls kill me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
