Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
