I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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