just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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