sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize