I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
