His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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