did you get engaged???
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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