you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My feet surprised me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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