remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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