It's like God shit irony all over that family
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
