We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
