i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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