I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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