I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
