I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
