No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
