Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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