VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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