come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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