And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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