I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
