Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
