i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
