Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
