It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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