I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
