After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She bit a glass in half.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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