You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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